life has been pretty tough lately and i'm just trying to roll with the punches. my surgery went well. they only found fluid behind my left ovary which is great that i'm healthy but not good because i don't know what's caused all this pain for the past year. my friends have come through 80 fold. coming home early from europe and driving from CT to maine, then to NY, then back to maine, then back to CT in 3 days?!?!?! coming to visit and bring me treats and just to say hi, man i am lucky. i have amazing people in my life.
this weekend was stressful but awesome. i love kelsey to death. i could not ask for a better best friend. i'm really gonna miss her when she goes to do her summer job.
me on the other hand, i'm trying to get shit together. it's soo fucking hard. it's all a waiting game. i need to work for my dad long enough to get myself on my feet. i have a good feeling this time next year, i will not be in this state. this is my goal. i need to buckle down on my finances, pay off my bills, and just suck it up and not spend fucking money every time i get bored. it's just fucking stupid. i need to pay off 2500 dollars and get at least 2 grand in my savings. i need this. i need to grow up all ready and stop living from whim to whim. it's time for me to start waking up and becoming a 20 year old like i'm going to be in a matter of months. of course i'll still have fun...but i need to get my life on some sort of track. i'm going nowhere and it's just lame.
i'm better than this town. i've got more to give than any of these stupid judgemental people realize or even want to give me credit for. i guess over all, i just need to start proving every thing that i feel i am capable of to myself.
i think i'll write more tomorrow. it's 3:13am and i've gotten 6 hours of sleep in the past 3 days.
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