what gauge measures miracles?

and what heart beats electrical?


i feel that weird internal mood today that i get sometimes. it also goes hand-in-hand with my inspiration. conor oberst does that to me. i dunno where i stand. honestly, i'm just kind of going through the days. i don't know what else to do. alcohol is sadly more prevalent these past couple weeks. i gotta cut that out. i make all these choices thinking it will make myself feel better and it ends up making me feel like shit. i dunno. i'm trying. always trying. trial and error is the alias of my life. i suppose that's growing up. i am doing so much better with selfcontrol though. a whole week and i haven't reached out the opposite sex for some sort of comfort in any form. that makes me seem like a whore. but i'm not. i just prefer to cuddle. that closeness i have with my guy buds. pretty much the one's that are like brothers.

i don't know. my brain is scattered. surgery is happening in 5 days. i'm nervous. i'm fucking scared out of my mind. but i'll have the comfort of my good good friends for the rest of the days following. i think i'm going to go paint cuz i can't write right now.