what a hectic week i had. so much work. so much body pain, frustration, learning, overcompensating, and stress. saturday was so fun though. i'm glad i forced myself to go to the party. i should be asleep because i should wake up at like 4:15 in the am. it's currently 8:43pm. i'm going straight to portland to meet up with the dudes in lannen fall and give them their coooookies after work. haven't seen them since august. that's just silly. now for my real purpose of actually writing on here for the first time in a long while:
tonight my mom called me from a hospital. her and my aunt's are in nashville visiting my nana. apparently my nana had something go wrong and had to be taken to the ER in an ambulance today. the doctor's checked her heart and some off putting results came up on the EKG. my aunts are flying home tomorrow but my mom is staying through the week. they're trying to get my nana to come and live back here in maine with us. i honestly don't think she's going to agree. i'm hoping i can take the 21/22nd off and fly out there to see her. i haven't been since i was 12. plus, checking out nashville would be kinda cool. i just really hope there's nothing seriously wrong with my nana. i don't see her enough at all. i don't see any of my grand parents enough. i definitely don't see my dad enough...but then again he's not making any efforts either. i work so damn much.
i'm trying so hard to stay on track. all i do is work now. positive and negative. i need the money badly. i need to start school in january. i need i need i need. i WANT school now. less stress with money. more time with my good friends. not to deal with bullshit from anyone. i have enough stress and things to get worked up about. i want to block almost everyone out and focus.
the male population is not something i need distracting me. i've completely switched gears since the whole thing with sean went downhill. it's not really his fault or anything...well..it is and it isn't. it was a lesson very well learned. trust is hard. distance is harder. acceptance in is the hardest.
i guess what i learned from that pretty large disappointment is to definitely move at a snails place and do not put your faith and trust and self into some other person first. you never ever know. don't trust so easily...and be weary. basically, become extremely cautious and just wait it out. i'm terrible impatient but i'm really finally learning.
well, my mind is all over the place. the excedrin pm is kicking in. i'm feeling...full headed tonight. hopefully sleep will put some things into their proper place.
work will be pretty crazy tomorrow.
goodnight.
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