upside down we dream

i float up to the ceiling and appear on the roof. the roof as become transparent. i am looking down upon myself as i read. the words are scattered amongst 5 sheets of college ruled notebook paper. i see all this regret and sorrow and confusion permanently removed from my person and trapped within fragment sentences and half-thought concepts. i try to be clever and eloquent as i slowly fall apart. i am reading this now...and it seems a waste. a waste of emotion and time. a waste of my efforts to be strong when all i did was collapse underneath a bridge i had built. there is no hidden meaning in these words. just the raw turmoil i created for myself. i watch as my own head lifts and stares out the window. this letter was written a year ago. i reevaluate where i am now. i feel miles and years further than where i have been. i was broken and rebuilt myself up stronger and made my skin about an inch thicker. i thought i wouldn't trust again. i was a cynic and a skeptic and i didn't want anything close to a relationship. my life was a mess. i had nothing in order and was spiraling downward at a speed that i couldn't control. and then i stopped. i looked around at what i had and what truly mattered. and my like calmed. the speed slowed. i figured things out. i met him. i moved back in with my father, a man who always keeps me on a good path. straight and narrow. and gives the best life advice a daughter could ask for. things are starting to smooth themselves....

i am no longer living life all tangled up like balls of string.