we leave between 6:30 and 7 this evening to partake on the 36 hour road trip that is lisbon falls, maine to key west, florida; the most southern point of the united states. i'm pretty near exhausted but i'm famous for falling asleep for a solid 12 hours as soon as we hit 95 south. that will be nice. plus i've all ready chatted it up with a few friends that promised a long and epic text battle to keep me entertained....and with a car crackberry charger...facebook, myspace, blackberry messenger and even even blogspot will be there to squish the boredom bug. then there's my little life savior, my ipod. 4,000 something songs to serenade me into roadtrip heaven. yay. plus, some ACTUAL cds for when i wanna share ze music with my fajah and his gf. i get the whole back seat to myself. it's pretty decked out too. i gots a comforter and pillows and slippers...(i hate wearing shoes on roadtrips) and i'll prolly bring some stuffed animals too. although i should have bought a stuffed giraffey. that woulda been fitting. hehe. we'll be there sunday morning and hang out for a few days and soak in the sun. then head back to dreary maine. and least i have someone to come home too now :]
on the boy front: i can haz boyfren. it is true. haha.
on the anxiety/worry front: i have lots. back into a relationship. back into where i'm the most comfortable and yet uneasy. trust, openess, shyness, realness, and above all else, vulnerability. the big V word, if you will. i guess this will be yet another learning experience for me. i need to learn to cope with the fact that yes, most people suck....but not all of them will hurt you. not everyone is untrustworthy. two people can be happy. it's such a scary idea to me....the cynic in me is screaming "don't completely trust!!! you know what happens when you do that!" and that cynic maybe right most of the time....but i'm so so very hopeful that this time is different. because he is different. i always say that and find out otherwise....but i'm even more hopeful that he REALLY IS different.
now, on THE OTHER BOY front: WHAT THE FUCK. sir richmond will not leave me alone. like, really?? really now?? you really think that you saying that you miss me and that you're different and you made a mistake and you're oh-so-very-unhappy will change my mind to some other opinion of you?? i'm sorry, but you are THE biggest liar i have ever met. and liars do not turn me on. (oh yes, i made a reference to one of his band's songs) 'cause seriously, you lied from the start...sure in some ways you treated more like a girlfriend than the ones in your past...but you threw me away. i moved my life around, for you, and trusted you, and you fucked a girl three days before my arrival in the very same bed we shared. yeah. ummmm. find someone else. you claim to love me. i would honestly like to know your definition...cuz it's seriously fucked up. you made your choice, now live with it. hehe i feel better. :]
now, with all of that said. i think that is good for now. more later.......
:]
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