my bright is too slight

to hold back all my dark...
and i'm a war of head vs. heart.


i am overcome by the urge to cry. but the tears are stuck. my chest is tightening with every breathe and even the deepest inhales and longest exhales are not helping. a part of my past broke into my present last night. it brought back things i thought i had forgotten. things i thought i was MORE than okay with. i almost didn't remember how broken you made me feel....thank you for reminding me. yes, we're both liars. yes, we both did stupid things. but did you really have to say you missed me?? and make it seem like you regret the choices you made?? the choices that sent me back home? that was the last thing i needed. here i was, trying to build on something new that i have recently found...and you completely steal my attention...and my sanity. i know that i will never be with you again. i know this. and i know how important the lesson were that you taught me...

that doesn't make it easier.


i'm trying to swallow every memory but i feel like im choking. i never thought i'd let another person have this sort of power over me again. how foolish am i?