blessed are the forgetful

for they get the best even of their blunders.




i watched the eternal sunshine of a spotless mind...which has been a favorite since it came out. and it usually leaves me with a decent feeling...or just that good after-movie glow. not this time. it hit me like a ton of bricks: despite all of my cynical tendencies and all of the other posts and all the other thoughts that are constantly racing through my brain...i want to fall in love again. or at least feel love with another person. the getting to know eachother part is so much work. relationships in general are soooo much work. but i miss love. i've had it for the majority of my teenage years between jarrod and brandon. now i am single. and don't get me wrong, i love love love being single. i can do whatever i want and see who ever i want and answer to no one...

i miss taking care of someone else and feeling needed and having that person WANT to take care of me and actually DO it. love is a good feeling when it's equal. i think there are brief moments when the love that was felt in the three year relationship and the one and a half year relationship were completely equal. the rest of those days were filled with the classic case of one person loving the other more.

so in conclusion, as much as i want the loving feeling right now, i know i'm better off without it for a while longer. i just hate the loneliness and then i think back to the pain that i felt...and i'm just better off....for now.


god. i hate being alone.