how can there be things that i still don't understand? what does that even mean? what was the purpose of those words? what's done is done. simple as that. and you can't forgive me for those reasons...and i can't forgive you for these reasons. simple. plain and simple.

there was a history for sure. that's what made this soooo messy. best friends are probably the worst to lose. i would take it all back to have kept a best friend. there is nothing like a best friend. almost like another family member. someone to run to with all of your happiness, sadness, stress, goofiness. now we have awkwardness and the complications of STILL trying to see it evenly. it was always a comparison and competition. at least we still have our musical sharing. hahaha.


boston was fantastic. i became homesick though. it always feels weird to travel so much alone. makes you feel surreal. or at least, that's how it makes me feel. traveling on the trains and buses and T's and listening to my ipod and people watching or thinking or window views....i'm not sure...it makes me feel almost disconnected.

i loved the endicott campus. it was gorgeous. and i had missed george. he always reminds me of haystack considering that is how we met. that was one of the greatest moments in my life. haystack was life changing and unforgettable. and it BLOWS my mind how even after a year and a half of barely keeping in touch...we still can just chill together so very naturally. that's how you know you've got a good friend.

i do feel sadness though. i feel like i haven't been a good enough friend to kels as of late. both of our lives are so crazy on two different planes. i guess it's kind of inevitable that things can get lost in the air...she means alot to me. she's been there with me through so very much. she's seen me at my lowest and my highest and even in my rutts. i'm glad i still have her to call a best friend.


time is counting down for me until i leave. i cannot wait to get out of this place. maine hold way too much baggage for my liking. too much history. too many memories. too many things to remind of things that i would rather erase.


it's 3:09am. i'm not even tired yet. i wonder if the new it's always sunny is up yet....