and baby i understand this is how you get by

the whole concept of saying your true thoughts while intoxicated kills me. then again i'm a total hypocrite because i love how free and brutally honest i am when i'm drunk. it's an amazing feeling. but it makes me feel weird when the tables get turned. maybe it's only because he's drunk and i'm very much sober, lonely, and stressed and all around fucking annoyed with target. those people have been total douchebags the past couple days. i SHOULD just not show up tomorrow.. but i need a pick up a few things so i will show up.

back to the subject.

i feel distant. i feel like i'm pushing myself away and i totally still have every wall up. nothing has changed. i just don't know. i guess i'm just always gonna do this. maybe this is just not what i want. i'm not sure.i don't even know how to figure it out.
ugh.




she sits alone with her back to the thoughts that fly past her.
she worries about what those voices might be saying.
she knows she'll never live this down in this tired town.

all she can do is hold her tongue and try to run
from everything holding her down. this is the take-off.
i hope i can shake off all this bad memories.
the lies. the lives she used to lead.
she'd like to forget the past the love the memories.
she doesn't want to remember all the misleading.
being blind, deaf, and dumb is better than believing.

she won't let herself get hurt ever again.
pain is growth and she's grown enough..
the tears won't fall in the same places
and she won't need his face
he was so easily replaced.

love and forget. move and let it all fall away...
i'm so much better off without this place.
i need to remember to forget the one's who left.


^^that sucked. my brain is cloudy.

i need sleep. i need a break. i need to figure you out.