you've caused this collapse

between the heart and the synapse.

the recieving end of sirens feels fitting of today. i've been working non-stop lately. i do need the money but i have a prediction that by the time i am 50 i will need two fake knees. haha. my body is terrible and hates standing/walking/bending/running around for 8 hours at a time. ugh.

what a whirl-wind these past couple weeks..months..years have been. it really blows my mind how comfortable i've gotten with change. it used to scare me so much. now it's just another day in my life. no big deal.

time for honesty. this is soooo like me. it is so likely of my personality and my history to do this AGAIN. although the situation may be the same, the characters in the situation are completely different in the best way. i told myself: wait till boston. wait for school. you don't need anymore boys taking your time and making you lose all focus. and what happens?? an amazing boy that's what. music, intelligence, hobbies, personality, adorable, hilarious, and above all...completely genuine. i never thought i'd meet someone...boy OR girl as weird as me. i know we are all weird. don't get me wrong, anyone who claims they are average is a liar. but...like..i'm fucked in the head in the best sense...and so is he. of course, things will go completely slow.

wow. just think. at the beginning of this month...i thought so very very differently.
i felt so very differently. people have lost my trust and my attention. while he reaped the benefits. i'm spending my weekend with him. i'm excited.

he is literally my favorite kind of person. no lies. the kind that stays awake all night and will talk about anything and everything. he always has an opinion and something either random or epic to state. and it's fantastic. i hope colorado can happen...or won't happen for either us...as selfish as that sounds. of course, if he does go without me...it will be very hard for me emotionally but i really hope he has an amazing time out there. i know he will. without question. i just need an escape too. i hate it here. i want a GOOD winter...cuz i already miss summer..


i feel like this blog is so one-dimensional. haha. i should probably fill in the other facets of my life.
hmm. concerts soon! i'm doing a mini-vacation in boston/providence soon. i'll be staying with my best friend<333>